


Triggered

by CrabRabbit



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Mentions of Character Death, Panic Attack, very mild self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 15:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8759416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrabRabbit/pseuds/CrabRabbit
Summary: Kankri and Karkat are having another lengthy discussion until Kankri says the wrong thing. How will Kankri react to triggering Karkat?





	

"Karkat, hello! I have been looking forward to our next conversation. I haven't seen you in awhile so I'll get right to the point. I would like to discuss the various expectations and pressures different blooded trolls face due to their blood color. I will begin with higher bloods and work my way down. This is no way in favor to them or the hemospectrum, it is just a way to organize my thoughts. I'm sure you know that high bloods have a larger susceptibility to pressures, this is our starting point. I must mention the possible triggers regarding this topic, they include but are not limited to class oppression, lifespan shaming, and... " Kankri greeted his descendent and started another long winded lecture before Karkat could get in one word.

Karkat, however, was getting use to being cut off and ignored. Ever since he and the others had gotten into the meteor he began to realize that nobody listened to any of his rants, they didn't care about his memos, they didn't care about him or anything he had to say. This multiplied exponentially when Gamzee decided to go on a killing spree and everything literally went to hell. So he let kankri speak while he listened quietly. Faintly he thought that he was probably the only one who actually listened to anything that Kankri lectured about. But he knew all too well that it hurt being ignored and he didn't want to offend his 'other self'. The talk about fuchsia and violet blooded was filled with the expectations of royalty and how it negatively effected the trolls mentioned. Karkat's mind drifted to Eridan and Feferi but he quickly focused his attention back to the lecture, not wanting to deal with any unnecessarily emotions.

He was now learning about the various struggles of purple blooded trolls and their violent natures. He was talking from experience, telling Karkat about the problems Kurloz faced during his timeline. Many of the things Kankri was saying about high bloods was reminding him about the incident with Gamzee and it was making him quite uncomfortable, triggered even. Looking away, he focused on the sunset behind his dancestor only to find the sky mixing from a bright pink to a deep purple. He fiddled with the edge of his sweater, trying to shift his thoughts from his friends death and his failure as a moirail to something slightly more pleasant. He really wanted this discussion to be over but he knew it had just begun.

Kankri got to blue bloods and karkat was having a hard time maintaining composure. He decided to think of other things that were blue, he knew it was dumb as fuck but he didn't want to freak out in front of Kankri. Nobody had ever seen him have a breakdown, not even Gamzee when he was a somewhat decent moirail, and he was planning on keeping it that way. So his thoughts were now revolving around John's dumb blue god tier, hardly processing anything Kankri was saying at the moment. Unfortunately Kankri's words were louder than his thoughts and he was brought back to the exhausting conversation. He wasn't really listening to him still, he was just remembering the hemocentric slurs and insults Equius was so fond of using. Before he died. His breath hitched at that thought and he looked the other troll. This wasn't seen however, because Kankri's white eyes were closed as more eloquent words flowed from his mouth. Looking at the ground he shifted feet and tried to control his breathing and focus on his surroundings.

"Karkat are you alright? We can take a break if you like. Though I must inform you that this information is highly needed and important for a leader to know." Kankri asked, obviously wanting to continue the 'discussion'.

_I'm not even the leader anymore..._ karkat thought darkly. He took a shaky breath, what could he say? That he wasn't alright? Then he would have to explain himself and that seemed like a worse option than being uncomfortable. He can will himself through maybe another hour of rambling. "I'm fine, continue."

"Wonderful, then I will continue where I left off. We are now moving on to green bloods."

That sentence made Karkat's mind shut down. He wasn't listening to anything Kankri was saying anymore, he knew it was rude but he couldn't help it. The only thing running through his think pan was puddles of olive and blue blood, the distant honking of a sober subjugglator, and how he couldn't stop it. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't slow down his thoughts. He couldn't make it stop. _Please make it stop._ He clutched the fabric of his sweater and tried to get the attention of the other.

"Kankri," he tried without getting an answer. "Kankri listen to me," this made Kankri stop talking mid-sentence at look to Karkat with a somewhat offended expression.

"What is it? My thoughts on this matter are very important to me and I would like to finish uninterrupted. If you have any thoughts or questions I would ask you wait until I'm finished speaking to address them. Now-" kankri was cut off again.

"Kankri I'm really sorry but-"

"Yes, what is it? I find it very triggering being interrupted repeatedly." He asked impatiently, tapping his foot on the ground for good measure.

"I uh," Karkat looked away, working to get rid of the tight feeling in his throat and chest. Kankri just stared at him, waiting. "I think you might have triggered me."

There was an awkward silence for a few moments. Kankri just stared at his dancestor, obviously taken aback. He had experienced people saying they were triggered to get out of his conversations before, and he found that quite offensive, but this seemed genuine. The obvious panic in Karkat's eyes made it hard to brush this off as another attempt to shut him up. He cleared his throat, trying to figure out the right thing to say.

"Right, I understand. I didn't realize you had triggers regarding this topic. I will try to be more sensitive next time."

"It's okay." Karkat said softly and Kankri looked at him with doubt, "I'm fine, really. I'm going to go sit somewhere."

With that he turned around and walked in the opposite direction. He wasn't sure where he was going, he just needed to leave. He felt trapped in a muddled shadow of his own mind and he needed to escape. His shaking was making him have a hard time managing his footing but he wanted to make sure he was alone before stopping. After a few more minutes of wandering aimlessly he found himself lost in a thick forest. Looking around, he saw no signs of other trolls anywhere so he sat down against a tree to try and calm himself. Taking a few deep breaths, he tried to sort his thoughts. Thinking about simple things proved to be too difficult in the current situation so he blocked off thought altogether. Breath picking up, Karkat pulled his knees to his chest and dug his claws into his hand in an attempt to distract himself. This turned out to have the opposite effect nonetheless, because the sight of candy red blood was enough to send him into a full blown panic.

Kankri was confused, to say the least. Through all of his conversations he had NEVER triggered somebody, he had studied triggers his whole life and he prided himself on being as non-problematic as possible. He wondered where he went wrong. Looking back, it was blatantly obvious Karkat had been triggered but he didn't know what exactly triggered him. He had tried to work around any triggers that came with the topic, he tagged each trigger as it came up and Karkat hadn't told him of any triggers he had so he was just lost. Aside from all of this the main thing that was bothering him is that he just let someone who was obviously triggered just walk away. Into the woods. Alone. While he was shaking like a leaf. If he was going to be honest he had no idea what to do. Well yes, he knew what to do, but only in a textbook sense. He had never actually calmed someone down, and that made him slightly uneasy. Only when Porrim had come to him did he realize he had been pacing.

"Kanny, are you okay? You're pacing with a scary look on your face." Porrim asked gently.

"Oh, Porrim, hello. I wish I could say I was alright but it seems I have triggered dear Karkat. I have no idea how to proceed and I fear for his health."

"What did you say to him? I bet he just wanted to get away from your daily tirades." Porrim tried to reason with Kankri, noticing his uncharacteristically short responses.

"I have no idea what I said to have triggered him but I could tell it was genuine. The sheer desperation of his disposition was alarming to say the least. I completely ignored the first time he tried to make me stop talking, have I learned nothing from sweep after sweep of research?" Kankri was starting to lose his matter-of-fact way of speaking.

"Calm down Kankri. If you're so concerned you should go find Karkat and talk to him. He can't have gone off too far."

"Yes...I will go do that. Thank you Porrim." Kankri waved and took off into the direction he saw Karkat stagger off to. He just hoped that he would be able to find him before something bad happened.

Unfortunatly for both of them, something bad was already happening. Karkat had his head to his knees while he wrapped his arms around himself tightly. Claws of one hand were still gripped into his other leaving a steady trail of blood dripping onto his pants. His shaking was seemingly uncontrollable as he tried to quiet his crying the best to his ability. He knew he was alone but he still felt he needed to hide how he felt, like fully submitting to his emotions would leave him far too vulnerable. His dull fangs broke the skin of his lip and he muttered out profanity halfheartedly. The majority of his thoughts were revolving around his failures. His failure as a leader, a friend, a moirail, and mostly as a fucking troll. Above these thoughts, though, were flashbacks to the deaths of his friends, each one playing in his mind with graphic detail. He just wanted to stop thinking, he didn't want to have to deal with the pain and ridicule that came with his daily life. Nobody listened to him, he was hardly a leader anymore. He was just a worthless mutant with disgusting candy red blood who couldn't deal with his own feelings. That's all he would never be. He laughed at that, but the laugh only came out as a pained sob.

Kankri was distraught. He had found his counterpart with relative ease but he was not prepared for the sight before him. There was Karkat, curled into himself on the forest floor, shaking enough that it seemed painful. Blood was coming from his hand while quiet, muffled sobs emanated from his small body. The whole scene was completely and utterly pitiful. Kankri forgot all about his prior anxieties of not knowing what to do and sprung into action. He approached quietly and sat across from Karkat a few feet away. It seemed he was still unnoticed and this concerned him even more. All of their decedents were very aware of their surroundings due to their upbringing on Alternia so the fact that Karkat hadn't realized he was there showed how far gone he was.

"Karkat?" Kankri called softly, his voice a very hushed whisper. Karkat twitched, curling into himself even more than before. Kankri winced at the sight and sighed lightly, "Karkat, I'm very sorry for triggering you like this. Can I help you?" Karkat just shook his head muttering something under his breath. "I cannot hear you dear, please let me help." Kankri was pleading by now, the whole situation was far too unstable for his liking. Minutes passed with just Karkat crying and Kankri holding his breath, waiting.

"Ok..." That's all Karkat said, that's all he could say before becoming incoherent again. He didn't want to accept help from another but he didn't see the situation changing for the better on it's own. He was starting to become hopeless. It took Kankri a moment to realize what he meant but it suddenly came to him; Karkat just said that he could help. With that knowledge he slowly crawled to the shaking troll.

"I'm going to touch you now, okay?" Kankri warned, not wanting to scare the other more than he already was. He saw a light nod and he used that as consent for the invasion of privacy. He slowly brought Karkat's hands into his own, unlatching his claws from the abused skin. Normally he would be repulsed by another's blood but now was not the time or place for that. "Shoosh darling," he chimed calmly, working to pull Karkat closer to him. He desperately needed to calm his shaking, knowing it was probably very uncomfortable, and the only way he knew to do that was to hold him. Massaging his hands made Karkat calm just enough for Kankri to lead him into his lap. He pulled him close so that Karkat's head was resting on his shoulder with both hands gripping the red sweater tightly as he sobbed his heart out. Kankri ran his fingers through his hair and down his back lightly as he held him close. "Please be calm little one, you're safe here." His words were soft enough that only he would hear and full of so much acceptance that Karkat just didn't know how to handle it. So he just cried, but he no longer sobbed. He cried softly into his shoulder, holding onto him like a lifeline. And with every shoosh and pap came more and more calm until his cries subsided to hiccups. They sat as Kankri chirped soft and lovingly to Karkat until his breath evened out and he began to find his place in reality once again.

Eventually, he moved so he could look at Kankri, he looked him in the eyes and he stayed like that until he could find the words. "Thank you," He said, his voice scratchy from overuse. Kankri expected him to jump off his lap and act like nothing had happened but he just placed his head back on his shoulder and let out a shaky breath, "Thank you."

"It's not a problem love."


End file.
